Ravi ki duniya

Ravi ki duniya

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

व्यंग्य जो कुछ है ये टी. वी. है



                                 
नेताजी ने कहा है कि उनके प्रदेश में बलात्कार और मर्डर के लिये टी.वी. जिम्मेवार है न कि उनकी सरकार. मैं नेताजी से पूरे के पूरे 404 % सहमत हूं. इतने ही विधायक हैं उनके सदन में. ये टी. वी. वाले ही हैं जो हरदम बलात्कार और मर्डर दिखाते हैं और न केवल दिखाते हैं बल्कि सिखाते भी हैं. मैं तो कहूंगा नेताजी देश का हो न हो आपके प्रदेश की हर समस्या का जिम्मेवार आप नहीं टी.वी. है. अब देखिये न आपने इन लड़कों को  लैप टॉप दिये कि इन्हें इंटरनेशनल एक्स्पोजर मिले. पर ये अपने अपने लैप टॉप पर इंटरनेशनल के नाम पर कुछ और ही देखते रहे. और यहां तक कि चुनाव में आपको वोट देना ही भूल गये. मेरी मानो तो इनसे आप ये लैप टॉप छीन ही लो. इन्होने आपके उम्मीदवारों की ज़मानत ज़ब्त कराई, आप इन्हें दी गई साइकिल और लैप टॉप ज़ब्त करा लें.



वैसे आप इन सब के लिये विदेशी हाथ को भी जिम्मेवार ठहरा सकते हैं. खासकर तब जब कि यू.एन.ओ. और अमेरिका वाले आपकी सरकार की आलोचना कर रहे हैं. आप कहिये कि टी.वी. पर बेफालतू के सीरियल्स के चलते सब तरह के माफिया सक्रिय हो गये हैं जैसे कि बालू माफिया, भू माफिया, खनन माफिया.पानी माफिया. आप तो कहिये ये माफिया शब्द आया ही टी.वी से है. अत: टी.वी. पर बैन लगना जरूरी है. झगड़े फसाद के लिये भी टी.वी. ही जिम्मेवार है. हर समय टी. वी. पर कोई न कोई कचरा फिल्म या प्रोग्राम चलता होता है. कहीं बच्चे नाच रहे हैं. कहीं उनकी मम्मी नाच रही हैं. सास साज़िश रच रही है. बहू अपने अलग षडयंत्र में बिज़ी है. अब चौवींसौ घंटे लड़के ये सब मारामारी, मर्डर, बलात्कार देखेंगे तो यही सीखेंगे भी. अनाढ़ी अनजान लोग खामाख्वाह आपकी साफ सुथरी सरकार को दोष दे रहे हैं और बदनामी कर रहे हैं. न टी.वी. होता, न मुजफ्फरनगर का दंगा होता. न टी.वी. होता न भैंसें घर से भागतीं.



आप बिजली, पानी की समस्या के लिये भी टी.वी. को ही जिम्मेवार ठहरा सकते हैं. ये सारा का सारा क़सूर टी.वी. का है. डेलीबरेटली आपके प्रदेश को बदनाम  करने की साज़िश है. ये सारे दिन टी.वी. देखते हैं जिससे सारी की सारी बिजली उसी में खर्च हो जाती है. अब खेत की सिंचाई और घर की लाईट पंखा चलाने को बिजली बचती नहीं है. अब इसमें सरकार का क्या दोष ?. वैसे इन नाशुक़्रों को  बिजली दे कर करना भी क्या है. आपने इनके लिये क्या क्या न किया ? साईकिल दी, लैप टॉप दिया और ये नालायक वोट किसी और को दे आये. मेरी मानो तो आप इन्हें बिजली तो कतई मत दो फिर देखते हैं ये कैसे टी.वी देखते हैं. मोमबत्ती से देखेंगे क्या ?, या फिर लालटैन में देखेंगे ? चार छ: महीने आप बिजली नहीं दोगे तो अगलों ने खुद ही अपने-अपने टी. वी., ओ. एल. एक्स पर बेच देने हैं.



मैं तो कहूंगा आप अपनी हर समस्या को टी.वी पर डाल सकते हैं. मसलन अगर प्रदेश में सूखा पड़े तो आप कह सकते हैं कि लोग टी.वी देखने में मशगूल रहते हैं बिजली सारी की सारी टी.वी. देखने में खर्च कर देते हैं. ट्यूब वैल के लिये बिजली बचती ही नहीं. अगर बाढ़ आ जाये तो कहें कि बाढ़ की रोकथामके लिये जो 280 सदस्यीय शिष्ट मंडल यूरोप गया था और करोड़ों की लागतसे मशीनें लाईं गईं थीं वो चलेंगी तो बिजली से ही. अब आप सारी की सारी बिजली टी.वी. पर खर्च देंगे तो ये मशीनें चलेंगी कैसे ? बाढ़ तो आनी ही हुई.



एक सुझाव ये भी है कि आप एक 404 सदस्यीय विधायकों का शिष्टमंडल यूरोप, अमेरिका अफ्रीका और आस्ट्रेलिया ले कर जायें और वहां के बलात्कारों का गहन अध्ययन करें तथा तुलनात्मक ब्योरा ले कर कुछ स्टडीज करें जो ये प्रूव कर सके कि कैसे बलात्कार के मामले में आपका प्रदेश पिछड़ा हुआ है क्यों कि कितने कम बलात्कार होते हैं इन देशों के मुकाबले. परिणामत: ये सब हो हल्ला और कुछ नहीं है बस आपके प्रदेश को बदनाम करने की नापाक साज़िश है. आप और आपका परिवार सुरक्षित है इससे बढ़ कर सबूत और क्या होगा कि सब ठीकै ठाक है आपके प्रदेश में.



आपके प्रदेश में है दम,  ये बार बार प्रूव हो रहा है. कभी बदायूं में, कभी बुलंदशहर में, कभी अलीगढ़ में. कभी मुजफ्फरनगर में. तो नेताजी मेरे थोड़े लिखे को बहुत समझना और सीरियसली टी.वी. को अपने प्रदेश में बैन कर दें. कमसेकम अगले चुनाव तक तो कर ही दें.  



नोट : आप कुछ देशों, प्रदेशों के बलात्कार के पिछले दस बरसों के आंकड़े दशमलव के तीन स्थानों तक जुटा लें और देश को गाहे बगाहे बताते रहें कि कैसे आपके प्रदेश में अमुक प्रदेश अथवा अमुक देश के मुकाबले .003 % कम बलात्कार होते हैं   


Tuesday, June 3, 2014

POOR IRON MAN




Full moon summer night of Delhi it was. All were fast asleep on the terrace. Suddenly there was these cries of thief ..thief..followed by commotion. Different people were making different statements not discouraged by the fact that none was listening to them. They were hell bent upon to give their opinions irrespective of whether any one gave ears much less credence to them.
A thief had broken into Mr Khanna’s house in our neighborhood. Thief made good his escape under the cover of night. FIR was lodged with the police in the morning. Thief had left Mr Khanna poorer by three to four thousand rupees. Police came, did routine inquiry, asked few ‘stock questions’ and went away never to return.
Today when continuously for third day Kallu press wala did not come and open his hand cart at the far end of the street for ironing clothes, people especially his regular customers including Mr Khanna whose few dresses also thief had stolen felt strange and began talking.  Mr Khanna was feeling the pinch where it hurts most. His decent office dresses were stolen by the thief. When fourth day too Kallu did not turn up, Mr Khanna went to Police station and gave the name of Kallu as the prime suspect.
Another week passed before Kallu appeared on his handcart. As soon as the residents saw him they started thrashing him. He was mercilessly beaten by one and all even by some of the passersby. Prominent among them were whose clothes Kallu had either burnt or lost in past. Mr Khanna who was regarded as the most cool and finest gentleman took leading role in beating Kallu blue and black. When Police came mob was still holding him with his hair while people were hitting him wherever they could. Weak and hungry Kallu had fainted. Police took charge of Kallu or whatever was left of him. When Kallu regained his senses he was staring one moment at the mob other moment at the police. Suddenly, he started crying he was weeping, no he was wailing repeating “I don’t know anything what have I done? I had to at once proceed to my village” he produced telegram from his pocket. It was for Kallu. Mr Khanna almost snatched the telegram and read it aloud before the mob. It read ‘Mother died come soon’

( This short story of mine in Hindi ‘ Bechara Press wala’ was published in ‘Hindustan’ 2nd July 1978 )

ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL



“..Dear Satish return home immediately…any one giving information about Satish will be suitably rewarded…”
Satish read this ad in newspaper and was in tears again. Today was fourth day since he ran away from his home. He had stolen Rs.50/- from home before running away. He was left with only eight rupees. Rest was spent in food, cigarette and film. A storm was stirring within him. 
 Satish was a student of eighth standard. In school, he fell in bad company. Once fallen he could not rise though he wanted to. A bully boy of the class befriended Satish. In recess they would sit together in school canteen. Beginning with sharing tea, one day he offered cigarette to Satish. Satish refused. Bully insisted, persuaded “none would know at home..it is not bad..ok your father smokes..had it been bad he would not have been smoking…No ? He is such a big educated man. If cigarette was bad you think he would have been smoking? And so many others who smoke..Are they all uneducated unwise? Satish had no answer of such questions. He would take a puff or two. Soon he was smoking a packet a day as if he was smoking for years. The same bully persuaded him to bunk and go for film. Initial hesitation and soon Satish would yield. Soon he was addicted to tea, cigarette and films. Study became secondary rather disappeared from the scheme of things. He hated school. He had learnt to cheat parents, his teachers and above all himself.
He started stealing money from home. Once caught stealing 20 rupees he was beaten mercilessly by his already harassed father.
Same bully came forward and told Satish “Get some big amount from home and let us go to Bombay, My mama is there, will find some job there. We will do acting in films. Mama will help us get a break in films. What is this? Parents are always firing..Scolding..Why? Our parents have done nothing for us except for giving birth to us. They have given birth then it is their duty to bring us up. Bear our expenses. Don’t we work for them whole day like an ox? Buying vegetables, running errand, procuring ration from the shop. Fetching milk from dairy. We are worst than domestic servants. Satish again thought Janardhan was right. He did not need any further convincing.
Last three nights he has spent like a fugitive urchin. He longed for the warmth of his bed. Mummy’s affectionate kiss on forehead. Suddenly Satish recalled how his brothers and sister must be feeling. He thought of mother’s despair and father’s embarrassment. His heart was sinking. Cursing him he hated himself for inflicting wounds on so many. He ran and ran and did not stop till he was standing facing the main gate of his house. Door opened, next moment head in his mother’s lap he was crying uncontrollably “If a person loses his way in morning but comes back by evening he is not a loser…all is well that ends well” said his father caressing Satish on his head. Satish further hid in his mother’s lap.

(This story penned by me orig in Hindi ‘Subah ka bhoola’ was published in Nav Bharat Times on August 26, 1973)

Monday, June 2, 2014

BANDIKUI REVISITED





Initially, it was not Bandikui but Rajgarh which was proposed to be made a junction railway station between Agra & Jaipur and Delhi & Jaipur. When the team came for engineering survey the idea was given up due to number of hills to be crossed, therefore, Rajgarh was called unviable in 1885.


A fresh location was reached through engineering survey. Hills were blasted leveled in Mandavar. After that only, Bandikui became junction. The first person who studied in Mayo College, gifted his land for Bandikui, he was Raja of Alwar in whose memory Alwar gate has been erected in Ajmer. 


One Mr. F.S. Young was S.P., U.P. subsequently became I.G. Jaipur, he was an active football player. European team was so popular those days that people used to come from far & wide to see the football match.


Playing tennis became a legacy. Everybody who was somebody wanted to learn tennis to be close to ‘sahibs’. In 1930 P.J.D. Janison was a prominent District Officer in Bandikui. It was in 1937 that Mool Narayan B. became the first Indian to get ‘overseas’ pay. An Indian recruited as Ticket collector would get Rs 30/- while no European/Anglo Indian was allowed to receive less than Rs.55/- ( Rs.25/- was Personal Pay) Later Parsis were also given this. Maximum pay of Ticket Collector was Rs.50/-. All three, i.e. Europeans, Anglo Indians and Parsis were at par regarding salary. No Indian was generally promoted to European grade. 


First Indian, Rai Sahib Ganga Sahai of Rajgarh was the Station Master to have received European grade. Eventually, he retired at the pay of Rs. 400/- from Ratlam. 


R.D. Gupta from Rajgarh was the first Guard to have got the European grade. First Indian to have been elevated to the coveted post of Traffic Inspector was L.N. Sharma (father-in-law of Dr Shankar Dayal Sharma, ex President of India) Vimla Sharma was educated in Railway school, Bandikui. L.N. Sharma was an M.A. in English literature way back in 1922. 


There was perfect demarcation between the colonies of Indians and Europeans. European household generally would have following:

Khansama (Indian servant),

Bearer,

Masalchi,

Bhisty

And pet dog. 


Dog would be familiar with Call boy (who delivers ‘position’ of train movements early in the morning) A type IV quarter of European railway man would consist of two bed rooms and two side rooms in addition to bathrooms fitted with portable commode. Each bathroom had night soil drum. Each bathroom had a scavenger.


Grocers prospered due to Anglo Indians. They seldom used to store/hoard. Every morning, khansama was given list of items to be bought. Khansama more often than not would bring commodities worth 4 aana and charge/billed 8 aana. (A packet of beedi,matchbox and 1 aana cash was the ‘gift’ from grocer to khansama for doing this). Be it grocer or khansama both became rich in no time, amusing is in no time they became poor also. A glaring example was of one Bohre Lal who rose to be a millionaire but his son Radhe Shyam had to earn his livelihood working as a Mazdoor (manual labor).  Majority of Anglo Indians were perpetually in debt. They would get even their ‘fix’ of alcohol from railway run cooperative stores on credit. Clothes, eatables, almost everything was on credit. Unable to pay debt, they were slapped with attachment orders by the courts. At the time of their superannuation, often their retirement gratuity was utilized to set off against their debt. The popular saying those days was:  


झांसी गले की फांसी, दतिया गले का हार

ललितपुर न छोड़िये जब तक मिले उधार 


A British medico while nominating his wife as the beneficiary in the event of his death, wrote in his Provident Fund declaration “...in the event of my death amount may be paid to my wife ONLY when she re-marries...”


The church Prior to 1893 ‘service’ was conducted by the Bishop coming from Agra to Bandikui. In 1893 first church was established in Bandikui. Protestants wanting to become Catholic or vice versa were also baptized. First baptism took place on Nov 25, 1893 of Timothy Francis s/o William Angella Sinyum, Engineer, RMR by Father S.G. Nakotta.  The church bears an interesting inscription 


“In memory of Isabelle A.N. Godwyn who died in Alexandria on 2-3-1912. Kind words are the music of the world; this tablet was erected by her friends”


Freemason: On Delhi-Jaipur route the only Masonic lodge was in Bandikui. Masonic lodge’s foundation stone reads:


“This stone was laid by Dr William T.

4-3-1898

Lord Charity” 


People will assemble from nearby places. The next Masonic lodge was in Ajmer only. They (Freemasons) were sworn to strict secrecy. After that only they could join the ‘brotherhood’. They would wear a distinct ring called Divider ring. They were sworn that they would not disclose to any one, not even to their wife about the concepts of Masonic faith. Mr Mool Narain B. was the first Indian in Bandikui who became member of the Masonic lodge.


World War II during war entire male population in reproductive age group was wiped out in Britain. In 1945, a retired Major from British Army ‘imported’ Indians and the first batch of 800 people (Punjabis) went to England. They worked in factories which were closed till then on the face of war strife. Another 1200 persons’ shipload went, again from Punjab. Needless to mention that these 2000 Indians, subsequently, imported their relations also. It is widely believed that 30% of British population today is of Indian origin.


Grave yard with unique epitaphs is a British legacy in their townships all over India. In Bandikui IOW (Inspector of Works) was required to keep ready coffin boxes in three sizes 6’, 5’ and 3’. On the event of death, ‘knell’ was sounded. All will assemble there. They would wait for 24 hours, one, waiting for near and dear ones to join, two, preparing the mortal remains for the final journey. This preparation included ‘make up’ perfume, tie, suit, cufflink, new shoes, walking stick and yes few bottles of whisky. IOW was responsible for smooth burial. Grave yard had a beautiful garden attached to it, tended by 4 gardeners and 2 wells. Here again, Indians were not allowed to carry their deads via the city/bazaar. In one such case, when Mr Tondon’s son died the funeral procession was being taken from the midst of city. The procession was almost arrested while being carried via court. It was only on the intervention of DTS (District Transportation Supdt.) that they were freed to proceed. 


Shias were stricter than Sunnis. At every major Railway station there were two separate water huts for Hindus and Muslims. The Muslim one was called ‘sabeel ahale islam’ where Bhisty would fill water from masak (large bag made of goat skin) 


My discussion was drawing to a close. Though Mr Kalyan Sahai Gaur had such a fascinating treasure of memories. He informed me with pride that serving Railways runs in his family, his family has a tradition of more than 100 years in Railways. In 1892 his father shri Bhairon Lal had joined Railways as a Brakesman at a monthly salary of Rs.10/- He retired from the post of Guard, Jaipur division in 1930.


When I expressed desire to leave, he said “not without lunch”. He insisted with such warmth, affection and respect that I could not refuse. His parting poetry about the sumptuous meal: 


अपनी ही किस्मत का खाता है जहां में हर बशर

वो खाये तेरे घर या जा के खाये अपने घर

इसलिये मशक़ूर हो, तू अपने उस मेहमान का 

जिसने खाया अपना खाना, तेरे दस्तरखान पर





( Based on my discussion with a dedicated Railway man, now late, shri Kalyan Sahai Gaur, in early 90s)